Sunday, August 20, 2006

Trying to Cry!!!

I have had the roughest week of my life and know it's my turn to share it. I got a terrible phone call late Wednesday night from one of my very dearest friends informing me that her twin baby boys who were not supposed to arrive until the fall had suddenly passed away. After I wrapped my head around the information I had just recieved I cryed as only a women with two baby's of her own could. Once I pulled myself togther I headed out to comfort this friend and try to give as much love and support to her a possible. I had no profound words to offer as I am not what you would call an eloquent speaker but I had two good shoulders, one for mom and one for dad and I tryed to give them all the love I had to offer. My sweet hubby joined me soon after and we gave them all the peace we could. Mary (mom) asked if I would help her through the delivery that would take place the next day. How could I have said no, she's a sister and a friend and I know if it were me she would be right there as well. So first thing in the morning I pawned off my kids and fortunatly for me I have been blessed by Jen the Mom who always steps up and takes over for me when I need her. She took the kids and kept then over night so I could take care of Mary and Craig. So off we went to the hospital where we waited forever for the doctor to come and start the induction. That was at 2pm and by 8pm we were still only 2cm dialated. They gave her another dose and by 10pm we were pushing. In the mean time all of Craigs family had arrived from out of town and were patiently waiting outside with my hubby for everything to be over.

Well sweet Mary pushed for almost 50 minutes and finally got them both out. Two beautiful, perfect little boy's. This first one to arrive was Matthew Leo Knaus, and the second one was Aidan Michael. I have never seen anything so amazing in my life. They were truly the most perfect little people I had ever seen and I am so blessed to have been a part of there birth. Mary was so amazing. She was calm and cool and such a strength to the rest of her family that night. We were all there to hold her up and she was the one doing all the lifting that night.

After they were born the nurses took them away immediatly to clean them up and dress them for the parents. Craig and Mary saw them first and had there chance to say goodbye and it truly broke my heart to watch them hold these two little angels in there arms and have to give them up so soon. It's really hard to accept a divine plan when it means giving up your little one's. After they were done the nurses put them in a seprate room for the family to see them if they wanted to and most were brave enough to go and see them for the first and last time. Afterwards we had a small little funeral in the hospital room and heard some wonderful words from two men from the church. We had the opportunity to bear our testimony's and join in a little song together. The spirit was beautiful and there is no doubting the two boys touched each of us in a very profound way.

I have spent the last few day's keeping my emotion's tucked away so I could be strong for those who needed me but today I am really feeling an ache inside. I'm longing to let out my own hurt for this family and by sharing this experiance it's allowed me to let some of my feelings go.

I know there are many I havn't informed of all of this and I am truly sorry but my heart and mind have been busy with others.

I don't doubt our purpose in life and I certainly don't waiver in my faith, but sometimes when you see people you love hurt this way you just wish somethings were a little different. I hope I never have to experiance this again but I want all of my friends to know that should I have to my love will not falter and I will do this all over again as many times as I need to and I want Craig and Mary to know that no matter what I will be there to help them as often and whenever they need me to.

I apologize for the typo's but it's not easy to type through the tears but blogger therapy is effective therapy. Thanks for listening.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Today was a great day. I had a visit from a friend that I havn't seen in a long time and I have really missed her. She is one of those friends you can go months without talking to her and it doesn't make a difference in our friendship. Do you know those friends? The kind that if you need them no matter how long it's been there right there and no matter what's wrong in your life or there's you can alway's count on them. It's funny because when Lisa (the friend) and I were single I didn't even really like mostly just because she was skinny (unlike me), popular (unlike I was), and the guys loved her because she was funny, athletic, pretty and just the kind of girl they were all looking for ( and I was not ). So it was quite comical when she met Dan and got married and all of a sudden she was my type. We gained weight at the same time, put our hubby's through school together, had baby's together and just really enjoyed each other company. So when I moved away I was happy to see our friendship stick. She's been out to see me a few times ( not only for a great haircut but for my wonderful company as well ). Then tragedy struck this year when her 9 month old son Parker passed away from SIDS. It broke everyone's heart and and we all grieved right along with Dan and Lisa. When I saw her this visit she was looking strong and holding it together but you could really tell that her spirit was broken inside. Not only has her heart been broken but her faith and spirit as well. It makes me sad to see her question all that we have belived for so long. And no matter what people may tell her it brings little to no comfort. I know there is a plan for all of us but I've learned that sometimes that plan can bring real heartache to us for a time. I wish with all my heart that I could take Lisa's pain away but I feel so helpless that I can't. I don't know if she will ever read this but if she does I just hope that she will know that my faith in her will never falter and my love for her and her family will be here for her alway's. I know the phrase " You'll be together someday" may bring little comfort right now but one day I just hope that you can find joy and comfort in knowing that you will be together and you will never be seperated. For all you other mothers out there, kiss your babies a little more often and savour each and every moment you have, good and bad. To all my friends out there, I value all our friendships, new and old. I have been blessed by some of the most wonderful people in my life and I hope you all know how much I adore each and every one of you.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It Finally Arrived!!!

Yah!!!!! My Carpet has finally been installed and my basement is nearing completion. I couldn't be happier. I have to say you really do get what you pay for. We got a great deal on the carpet and the instalment but when two men show up on your door looking such as they did I was ready to hide my kids in the closet and call 911. Don't get me wrong they were very polite and nice but scary all the same. It's a good thing I didn't have to run out anywhere or I may have been missing then just capret downstairs. Then to put the icing on the cake, 20 minutes after they left I got a call from moneymart confirming my cheque so Mr. Scary could cash it. What is it Holmes on Homes say's never hire anyone who ask's for the cheque to made out to him personally, oops I forgot. Oh well it's still a better job then I could have done so at least its finished. Anyone wanna come and sleep in my basement?? Can't wait for a reason to party so I can show it off.